birdman eating

Funkbox: Kimchi fridges smelling sweet

Posted in food by birdmaneating on January 17, 2009
Tags: , , ,


a kimchi-neng-jang-go

Stink on ice: a kimchi-neng-jang-go

Even kimchi’s fiercest fans can’t deny it: The ubiquitous Korean pickle is stinky. Indeed, like Asian fish sauce or a properly ripe livarot cheese, an aggressive smell is all part of the charm. For centuries, Koreans sank their kimchi underground, muffling the gassy reek of the mostly cabbage or daikon-leaf pickles within trashcan-sized clay jars sunk in dirt. But modernization ushered the funk indoors, into refrigerators, where the pickle’s farty aura invaded just about anything in a wide proximity. That’s where the charm of the stinky ends.


            Enter the kimchi-neng-jang-go, or kimchi fridge, the hottest appliance to sweep South Korea since the electric rice cooker. It’s a refrigerator annex, like the ubiquitous wine fridge in American kitchens, designed specifically to quarantine kimchi and prevent its heady fragrance from seeping into the kitchen at large — one manufacturer, Dimchae, calls its appliances “fresh fridges.” Since 2001, South Koreans have been buying more kimchi coolers than regular refrigerators. But it isn’t just the upwardly mobile of Seoul who’ve embraced the fresh fridge. More and more, kimchi-neng-jang-gos are banishing the funk from North Oakland, too.

            On a recent afternoon, shoppers at Kitchen Plus, the housewares annex at Koreana Plaza — a bustling supermarket in the heart of Oakland’s Korean restaurant and shopping corridor along Telegraph —  browsed electric fish grills and gingko-leaf chopstick rests. Pink-smocked store clerk Okhui Lee was in full sales mode.

            “There’s a filter here,” she said, raising one of two doors on the Dimchae model 225L, one of five on display here. It’s clad in stainless steel with a sleek, semi-matte finish, and either caramel- or burgundy-colored front panels, and is about the size of two side-by-side dishwashers. “The smell can’t escape, and you can make it cold or not so cold, whatever you want.”

            All the kimchi-neng-jang-gos on display here have separate compartments for holding different types of kimchi, each with a separate temperature control. “Some people like kimchee really fresh,” says store manager Patricia Lee (no relation to Okhui), meaning they don’t want it to ferment much further in cold storage. “Other people like it stronger, so they’ll keep the temperature a little bit warmer,” essentially allowing the kimchi to go on fermenting. A control panel has buttons labeled “slow ferment” and “more ferment,” next to a drawing of one of those clay kimchi jars, the ones Koreans used to bury in the ground.

“Even second-generation Koreans love the kimchi fridge,” says Patricia Lee. “It keeps the kimchi smell from getting into their milk.” Since June, Kitchen Plus has sold five kimchi-neng-jang-gos. Not bad, considering the 225L carries a price tag of just under $2,000, the cost of a 50-inch plasma TV.

For that kind of money, even second-generation kimchi eaters just might consider putting up with cereal doused in funky-tasting two percent.   —John Birdsall


Restaurant Review: Rico’s Diner

Posted in restaurant review by birdmaneating on January 17, 2009
Tags: , , , ,

ricos-dinerAmazing how resilient the diner is. You can stack it with Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruitys and corporate shift managers with safety-pin nametags and it won’t die. You can blister Bisquick flapjacks on a crusty flattop reeking of onions, brew up watery Folgers in a wheezy percolator, and it won’t die. Nope, we go on loving our diners, even as we demand so little from them, not noticing or caring that they’ve been remade with the impure products of big-box America: frozen choco-chip cheesecakes and chemical whip topping, butter-flavor griddle fat and machine-extruded fries.

And yet, despite all we’ve done to help destroy them, diners abide, like the smell of stale grease in rubber kitchen floor mats. So when a single, small diner somehow manages to get it right — respects the genre but throws in a bit of original flavor, without smacking of forced or fancy — it’s a situation tangled up in awesomeness.

            In early 2007, Rico Tiongco pulled the plug on mee krob and geared up to do what he’d always wanted: open a diner. Less than a year before, Tiongco opened Thai Corner (his first restaurant) in an elongated slot of a space in the heart of Oaksterdam. But running a Thai place kind of sucked; Tiongco’s heart wasn’t in it. “The first idea I had was a diner, but I didn’t listen to myself,” he says.

            The 38-year-old self-taught chef has a knack for designing and making stuff. He’d already stripped the space down to a condition of slightly austere minimalism. With a buddy he tiled and welded cool glass-panel shelves. He commissioned mid-century-flavor chairs with square chrome legs and pebbly black nauga, chunky walnut tabletops, and mothball pendant lights. For the launch of Rico’s Diner, he tweaked the look with elements that suggested the 1950s and ’60s, the quintessential diner era: a wall of vintage-y auto license plates, and smart-aleck window graphics by San Francisco artist Brian Barneclo. There’s the whistling wiener Hot Diggity, and Burgerman, a squat, mustachioed sandwich flexing a sailor’s bicep to flaunt its “Mom” tat —Mad Men–era whimsy with a shot of skate-shop cool.

            Barneclo, whose angular city-silhouette murals perk up the SF restaurant Nopa, creates the perfect frame for Tiongco’s cooking, which straddles retro and modern without breaking a sweat. Rico’s Diner manages to be classic without retreating behind self-conscious nostalgia in the style of Mel’s and Johnny Rockets. Yup, there are shakes (milky, thick, and — in the case of the beige-colored chocolate variety — aching with the corn-syrup sweetness of Hershey’s). Yup, there’s something called Mom’s Meat Loaf — there’s even an actual mom, Tiongco’s mother, Gina, who works the order counter with soft-spoken niceness. And yup, there’s Yankee Pot Roast, which is mouthwateringly salty and stringy, seeping dark, semi-gelid gravy.

And then there’s vegan Vietnamese banh mi. Say what?

            Tiongco says he has lots of friends averse to munching on animals and their secretions. His three-page menu comes with a page-long annex of cruelty-free eats: tofu scramble and a soy-protein pulled “pork” sammy, among others.

            That gentle-karma banh mi is deliciously fierce. Yeah, its tofu “chicken” is best quarantined within quotation marks, where the unsuspecting won’t stumble onto it by mistake. Wisely, the kitchen buries this stretchy, spongy protein under a stiff heap of tangy slaw, and (if you ask for it hot) searing slices of jalapeno that unleash a thrilling tide of cruelty on the tongue. The warm, toasted Acme torpedo roll makes it all feel comfortably diner, even more so if you opt for a side of Tater Tots. You end up thinking, How could a diner on a funky Oaksterdam corner not have a vegan banh mi?

            The burgers evoke no such ambivalence about core proteins. The ground chuck is tasty without being doctrinaire (Niman Ranch beef is too lean for his uses, Tiongco says; if you’re not grilling up rare burgers, it ends up dry). They’re burgers you could make at home, if only you had the BTUs, a sack of Acme buns, and a heavy enough hand with the mustard and mayo to make anything tangy and unctuous. But sorry, dude: no way you could engineer fries as perfect as these in your countertop FryDaddy. The skin-on Idahos have sharply rendered edges that cook up crisp and greaseless. This is one meticulous kitchen.

            Breakfast (which you can order till the place closes, at 3 in the afternoon) makes that meticulousness clear. Corned Beef Hash & Eggs is on the opposite end of the scale from the sticky, cat food cohesiveness of many a version. This one’s an original, a kind of chunky griddle-fry where big strips of meat mingle with home fries, and everything’s gilded with melted cheese — another example of Tiongco’s fearlessness about shaking up the short-order canon. Mostly it works because of the potatoes: chunky red-skinned taters parboiled and — instead of a heat-through on the flattop, which is most home fries’ downfall — crisped in the deep-fryer. In lesser hands that could mean a plate sweating Fryolator grease and speeded-up expectations for Plavix, but the kitchen here is a marvel of the steady temperature (which obviates greasiness) and the artful blot.

            Hands down, bacon is the apotheosis of Rico’s artfulness. I know, right? Diner bacon: sometimes chewy, with stubborn clots of rubbery fat that failed to render, sometimes brittle and burnt-tasting from over-rendering. But even badly cooked bacon is never really bad — I mean, it’s bacon. Tiongco’s technique is a marvel. He precooks it on the griddle, and then, to order, tosses it in the deep-fryer. What emerges are strips so thin, so delicately crisp, you realize you’ve spent your entire life so far in love with something unrealized, and more or less shitty. Quite simply, Rico’s bacon lifts anything it shares the plate with.

            That might include thick and velvety French Toast Sticks (made with Acme levain and garnished, on the day I tried them, with crisp wedges of Fuyu persimmon). Or the Oaktowner, one of those eggs-and-pancake or French-toast-and-meat-of-your-choice combos.

            It’s the classic short-order matrix, in a restaurant where the owner’s love for the format combines with local flavor in a way that suggests the possibility of rehabbing a tattered genre. Amazing.   —John Birdsall

Rico’s Diner. 400 15th St. (at Franklin St.), Oakland. 510-444-8424. Hours: 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon-Fri; 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Sat; closed Sun. Cash only.


Mérida notebook: Super gay tamales

Posted in travel by birdmaneating on January 11, 2009


Suffused with green, grassy goodness

Suffused with a green, grassy tang

Maybe the sense of discovery that hangs about Mérida seeps from the very structure of the city: streets of the Yucatán capital city hemmed in with blank, low facades, with or without the twisty churrigueresque touches of colonial baroque built more or less on the cheap. Gaudy paint heavily flaked, ponderous bars at the windows: No telling what goes on behind those thick, pocked walls—except when someone like Robert tells you, in a gay cantina, over beers. And plates of some of the best tamales you’ve ever eaten.


Here’s how it started. Perry and I were staying in a guesthouse run by some sweet, doughy guy from the Midwest. He and his perennially absent boyfriend had bought houses on adjoining lots, turned one of them into an inn for queer North Americans. You know the kind of place: rickety wicker castoffs from the States, free wine in the afternoons to grease the wheels of social interaction—though there was really no one to mingle with, since the Bears (the only other lodgers—a burly bearded couple who wore white athletic socks and tropical-print shirts) kept to themselves. That left only Robert—and he wasn’t even a paying guest. More like a hanger-on: slept at his own house but spent most days here, with the doughy Midwesterner.

Tall. Sixtysomething, though he looked a good fifteen years younger. Long hands, gray sandpaper stubble, battered panama. Robert had retired to Mérida from Manhattan, bought a house with his partner, who still worked in NYC and visited Yucatán when he could. Robert exuded boredom, a busybody constantly needing fresh material. He locked on to Perry and me at once.

Did he fancy one or both of us? Did we promise fodder for gossip in Mérida’s queer expat ghetto (which, apparently, includes faded superchef Jeremiah Tower)? Couldn’t tell. I said  I wanted to taste authentic Yucatecan cooking. “Nothing overwrought, and not, like, the tourist kind of ‘authentic,”” I said. “Just the real thing.” You know—stuff a tourist says.

Clearly, Robert didn’t know the first thing about food—he’d recommended a place because the owner personally shopped for veggies at the local Costco, as if it were a guarantee of the food’s quality. Still, Perry and I agreed to let Robert be our guide next day. He’d take us to his friend, a guy, Robert said, who could lead us to the real shit. Cochinita pibil cooked in a hole in the earth. Shark and tortilla pie.

“You’ll have to get up early,” he warned. 

We got up early, slipped out to the sitting room half an hour before Robert had told us we’d need to be out the door. He was already there, wearing a CCCP tee, idly flipping through a magazine. “When do we go?” I asked. “Oh, we’re too late,” he said, barely looking up. 

Fuck. I looked at Perry; I could feel the cochinita pibil slipping through my fingers.

“We’ll go see my other friend,” he said. “He knows all the places. No rush.”

I won’t bore you. The day was a succession of long walks back and forth through Mérida’s hard, canyonlike streets, through blasting sun and sticky heat. Sunday, and Calle 60 was blocked to cars—young Mayans with traffic vests over flimsy shirts manned the street corners. Luminous black eyes; brown skin shiny, varnished with sweat.

We found the friend: an artist—a short, smiling Yucatecan who painted surrealist images of the Mayan cosmos, set out on the sidewalk to tempt the occasional norteño, Yankees-capped, in shorts that exposed pink, flabby legs. But after our long trek, the pint-size Yucatecan dished out a bogus recommendation: Los Almendros—even our Rough Guide listed it. Crap. No Mayans crowding around some courtyard pit, wrenching hunks of cochinita from a steaming, banana-leaf-wrapped heap of deliciousness. Los Almendros promised nothing better than tourist-authentic.

We set off back to Plaza Grande. Halfway there, Robert had an idea: we slipped into a botana  bar, a sprawling place, listless and deserted on a hot Sunday. We drank beer from the bottle; the waiter laid out ten botanas: fried tortillas, vinegared cucumbers, warm black beans, the ubiquitous Vienna sausages in tomato sauce, a searing chunky salsa of blackened habanero chiles and onion, and something unusual: hunks of fried beef heart and tomato, drenched with the juice of sour oranges. Declicious.

By now, Robert was opening up about the life of an idle homo expat. “Mexican men are so sexual,” he said. “Even the straight ones flirt with you. Sleep with you sometimes.” As if on cue, a waiter in a tight tee-shirt strode up to the table and shook Robert’s hand. “Nice to see you,” he said in English, like he was, well—making a move. When he left, Robert shrugged. “See what I mean?” he said. “Never even seen that guy before.” Damn. Perry and I went off to the men’s to take a piss. We had growing suspicions about our guide, and not just because our food trek was turning out to be a bust. I spotted the flirty waiter in the tight tee, laughing with the other waiters in an otherwise deserted patio out back. He glanced at me, slowly curled his mouth into a sneer. 

We worked back to the city center, on narrow sidewalks clogged with Sunday-afternoon throngs. “Here,” Robert said, and we ducked into a long, dim cantina, where a dozen guys sat on barstools or slouched at  tables against a wall half-clad with tiles in dirty shades of faded pink. “Hustlers may ask you to buy them drinks, but otherwise it’s okay here,” Robert said. He knew the smiling proprietor; they chatted briefly.

In the back, amid a jumble of empty tables, an aging butterfly of a thing was acting the coquette with a short, middle-aged guy sporting a skinny mustache and a crisply pressed shirt. You figure his wife ironed it for him, and here he was, spending the afternoon buying drinks for his worn-looking diva: bleached hair styled in a Liberace pompadour, wearing a flow-y, eyeshadow-blue pantsuit, scuffed white boots, and an expression of elegant detachment. You gotta love Mexico.

The beers loosened Robert’s tongue. He began spilling secrets—how he paid young Mayan guys to come to his house to give him massages and, um, you can imagine. He developed a regular thing with a particular one, but the poor kid was a cokehead. “Oh, he was beautiful,” Robert said, rolling his eyes up in his head. Whenever the kid needed money, he’d come by Robert’s casa, and perform what Robert called one of his special “Mayan massages.” He got strung out, skinny.

By now the flowing blue diva was dancing with her romeo, doing a merengue or something to whatever was pulsing out of the jukebox. The proprietor brought us a tamale—a Yucatecan chicken tamale, squat and slippery, glistening on the banana leaf it’d been steamed in, a spoonful of tomato sauce on top. We cut it up with a plastic fork as Robert talked, speared pieces of it with toothpicks. It was fantastic—corn masa strained smooth, with a coarse filling that tasted dark and frankly chickeny, all suffused with the green, grassy tang of fresh banana leaf. We asked the patron for a second one. 

“It was a weekend my partner was in town,” Robert was telling us. “We had friends form New York staying with us. One morning there was this pounding on the door. I knew who  it was.” The Mayan kid had gotten really bad; he was yelling for Robert, needed money for drugs. Robert didn’t want to go to the door; their guests were uneasy, asking if everything was okay. Robert’s partner looked at him: What the fuck? 

“I had to tell him everything. He went out and scared the kid away, told him he’d call the damn police if he didn’t go away. He never came over again.”

The tamale plates were smears of tomato sauce on banana leaves. Robert seemed tired of us as suddenly as he’d been interested. “I’ll walk you as far as the mercado,” he said, “and then you’re on your own.”

As we strolled through the mercado, with its almost overwhelming smells of overripe fruit and sweat, Perry said Robert had kind of creeped him out. Still, I thought, we’d managed to have a taste of something authentic.  —John Birdsall 



Restaurant review: Patio Filipino

Posted in restaurant review by birdmaneating on January 6, 2009
Tags: ,


Patio Filipino

Photo: Patio Filipino

Homestyle Filipino cooking takes animal suffering to thrilling heights. The detritus of the slaughterhouse—liver, blood, intestines, even unborn ducklings, for Christ’s sake—become material for vinegar-and-garlic-stained intensities capable of provoking shudders. Even among dedicated salumi eaters.


Where you first sample this heady cuisine of studied cruelty tends to shade your feelings about it. Having your first taste of dinuguan (the infamous stew of pigs’ blood and offal, euphemized in Fil-Am households as “chocolate meat”) at a cafe table covered in greasecloth that lives up to its name—well, it can put you off the stuff for good.

Yeah, it’s irrational, but a vase of carnations and cloth napkins can soften the blow of a shocking cuisine. Which is why Patio Filipino in San Bruno offers comfort to the Filipino-food wary. The place is handsome; it sprawls over two rooms and, well, a patio. The Ilocano-tinged cooking is authentic while managing to skew contemporary, and without the tics of self-conscious fusion.

A couple of crunchy-skinned pork dishes are studies in gilded indulgence. Crispy Pata is a boiled and deep-fried pork hock—you pull rich, chewy pieces of meat off the bone and dip them in a sauce with a healthy presence of what tastes like sugarcane vinegar. Lechon Kawali is diced hunks of pork, nearly equal parts chewy meat and gnarled chicharron. It comes with pork liver sauce—smooth, cold, and tart-sweet.

Ginataang Sitaw at Kalabasa (a stew of long beans, kabocha pumpkin, and shrimp in coconut milk) is deliciously savory; Vegetable Kare-Kare is overwhelmed by a thickly emulsified peanut sauce that squelches any vegetal flavors; garlicky pork Lumpianitas offer no surprises. But Patio Filipino itself—a place that serves up well cooked, satisfyingly homey dishes in a setting nice enough to comfort Filipino-food novices—may be all the  surprise you need.   —John Birdsall

Patio Filipino. 1770 El Camino Real, San Bruno, 94066. 650-872-9888.

Elizabeth David, melancholy’s muse

Posted in books by birdmaneating on January 4, 2009
Tags: , ,

Elizabeth David

Elizabeth David, 1913–1992



Roses are things which Christmas is not a bed of.  —Ogden Nash, quoted in Elizabeth David’s Christmas.

Look at the jacket photo at the back of Elizabeth David’s Christmas (edited by Jill Norman, 2008: David R. Godine) to catch a whiff of the late English food writer’s appeal, if not her genius. That’s right: She looks frowzy—drunk, frankly—posed at the huge table in her densely cluttered London kitchen, a caricature of the sloppy pubfly. Enormous head hoisted onto her arm, mad grin exposing poor teeth, eyebrows pencilled in at angles both glamorous and a little giddy.

It’s a portrait at odds with the jacket’s front, all sticky-mint green, spangled with nauseatingly cozy line drawings: a roasted turkey, plum pudding, even an angel, for god’s sake, blowing a damn trumpet. But even writing about Christmas (the book’s a collection of David’s published writings about Christmas, with extended quotes she’d collected before her death, and a few original introductory pieces) David is sensible, canny. And anything but sentimental.

It’s clear she hated Christmas—the Anglo-American Christmas of sickeningly rich foods and forced family eating. The book is a plea for sense, a manual of sanity from a woman who, in a way, was all the things cozy drawings of mince pies and holly sprigs are not: David struggled through difficult relationships with men, never spawned kids, failed to be conventionally domestic. The searingly honest  woman of the jacket portrait, whose food writing simply ignored the chirpy, service-journalism, home-ec template of the first three decades she was active, starting in the late 1940s.

Here’s an excerpt from the book, opening sentence of a piece that appeared in Vogue in 1959: 

If I had my way—and I shan’t—my Christmas Day eating and drinking would consist of an omelette and cold ham and a nice bottle of wine at lunchtime, and a smoked salmon sandwich with a glass of champagne on a tray in bed in the evening.

You go, Mrs. David. 

The impression you get from Elizabeth David’s Christmas is one of simple comforts that resist—but also, in a way, express—the melancholy of the season: a soup of lentils and pheasant, a dessert of apples cooked slowly in butter, jerusalem artichokes cooked with cream. They’re the recipe equivalents of the simultaneously sad and joyful little tracks the Vince Guaraldi Trio laid down in 1965 for A Charlie Brown Christmas

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright—except when they don’t, and all  you want is to get quietly sloshed, alone, in bed.   —John Birdsall

Alicante notebook: A bloodless kill

Posted in travel by birdmaneating on January 2, 2009
Tags: , ,


Fucked, ultimately

Dead meat




Warm and sticky

At a bar in Alicante, Spain: facing a tapa of meaty cuttlefish (sepia) in a thick, sticky pool of its ink. Warm—it’s emerged from the microwave behind the bar—congealing slightly as it cools, deep with coppery saltiness, like the taste of blood. Per —my husband—doesn’t want more than a bite, and I admit, it’s a tad gory, too murky a concentration of flayed sea life for me to finish.


Later, in our hotel room, in a thick-walled arcade ringing the plaza in front of the ayuntamiente—the town hall—looking out onto a crude baroque clock tower, I flick on the TV before leaving for dinner—it’s a bullfight, a glimpse of the San Ysidor Festival, Spain’sWorld Series of matador-dom.

A boyish matador in tight turquoise pantaloons and a pink cape gaudy as paper roses: curly dark hair, handsome and sinuous, like gay guys we’d see around La Chueca in Madrid. Junk taped down, probably, like a drag queen’s—sexy and at the same time sexless. He’s ripe and precious, petulant as he prances gracefully in the ring.

Cutaway to an older torreador in a wide-brimmed hat, advancing with elaborate picks to stab the bull, already sprouting a plume of ribbons from where it’s been gored, taunted. Cutaway to the crowd in the stands: celebrities, politicians, the monied—in delicate straw hats, expensive-looking clothes and tans, a superhyped whiff of anticipation, the sleek turquoise ass of the boy matador, a delicious suspension in the load of ritualized violence about to drop. 

The bull—El Pelillo—is following a predictable trajectory of impulses; the announcer lauds the beast for its bigness, its magnificence and courage. Like a climax prolonged to amp up its pleasure, the grave-faced, handsome old torreador slowly advances to El Pelillo.

But the deck is stacked against El Pelillo. He’s fucked—it’s all been a distraction. A picador on horseback deftly advances from behind the pissed-off bull, makes a deep, fatal stick. El Pelillo turns, tries to gore the blinkered, well-padded horse. Now the old torreador is running, drawing the bull away from the horse, and tries to make another stab, picks fluttering white ribbons; they wobble in El Pelillo’s shoulder, heave, fall to the ring.

The matador advances, wields a curved sword like a ballet student executing a move, but the bull’s done: El Pelillo collapses, like a dog laying down in the heat. An then it’s over—the TV cuts to smiles on in the crowd, the finely molded beauty in the matador’s expressionless and yet triumphant face, then a cut to a commercial about toilet paper or chocolate biscuits or some shit. You don’t see the enormous, twitching black carcass dragged across the ring, the smear of blood in the dirt. 

As for Per and me, we’re off to dinner. Well, that’s Spain for you—like the sepia I can still taste, lurid reality shows up mainly on the plate.   —John Birdsall

Madrid notebook: Guidebooks are crap

Posted in travel by birdmaneating on January 2, 2009
Tags: , ,
dscn1194Dog-ear your Frommer’s, read and re-read Lonely Planet till the pages turn as soft as chamois, steep yourself in the wonky elegance of that heavy-as-hell DK: Travel guidebooks lie. 
Spanish food writer Penelope Casas wrote one of the best—anyway, one of the most personal. Discovering Spain: An Uncommon Guide is a region-by-region guide to restaurants, food markets, hotels, and tourist sites. Casas knows her shit, especially food. She wrote The Foods and Wines of Spain, published in 1982. In Paella! (1999), her enthusiasm was so deep it sought expression in punctuation. But Discovering Spain is Casas’—I don’t know—A la recherche. More than a guidebook, it’s a book of opinions about Spain, a country she knows like most of us know the layout at Target. Trouble is, Discovering Spain is as persuasive as it is useless.
Which, despite what it sounds like, is no slam on Casas. She’s diligent. But preparing yourself for travel with a book is like prepping yourself for your first blowjob by reading literary porn.
That’s because nothing prepares you for the walk up the stairs of Madrid’s Gran Via Metro station on a Saturday afternoon, in the midst of a micro-scale simulacrum of Times Square, hoisting your suitcase when its wheels become useless on the steps. Nothing prepares you for the sidewalk, for the old man lurching forward on double canes, or the rich, delicious stink of burning diesel. Nothing prepares you for the sapped, sexy delivery kid with saggy pants and a dolly stacked with Coke, or the pair of women in hajafs—sheathed down to their feet—moving in graceful tandem.
Casas can’t prepare you for the traffic, for the glare of the sun, or the young guy flexing—paused at a stoplight at the entrance to La Chueca, Madrid’s gay ghetto—with stubble, tightass jeans, and a tee shirt that reads STORK, red letters on black, checking out the curve of his bicep in a window reflection.
Casas’ book doesn’t tell you about Madrid’s late-night porn channel, a continuous loop of jump cuts—nude women squirming, a shiny black dildo pressed up against skin, phone-sex numbers flashing on the screen. Instead, Casas gives you idyllic impressions of a decidedly more wholesome Madrid, circa summer 1962:
Evenings I would visit the Plaza Mayor, where outdoor cafes and tabernas spilled over with high-spirited Madrilenos, and from there I would descend to the gently curved Cava Baja, where I’d spend hours at cave like taverns called mesones. There was no need to purchase theater or movie tickets or have a specific place to go; singing, music and dance filled the streets, and one could join in; lively conversation was to be found everywhere.
Nothing in that description prepares you for the guy in stale club clothes outside Club XY, pissing in the street—without touching his penis—at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday, his girlfriend slouched against a car, lighting a smoke with a blank look. Or the bitchy-looking girl in caramel-yellow pleather, holding her counter space at the Mallorquina by force of a furious look that warns she’ll fuck you up if you try to elbow in for a coffee; or the Mallorquina’s counter man in black tie and short sleeves, hairy forearms splotchy with ancient bluish tattoos. Doesn’t prepare you for the old lady on the Metro, the one with a face of graceful collapse, like the skinned lambs’ heads displayed in the carnicerias.
No way Casas warns you about the stink of BO everywhere—like on the bus to Toledo, through a harsh Castilian landscape of umbrella pines and discount furniture centers, where it blends with the smell of onion-and-vinegar potato chips on the breath of the girls seated behind you, mingling with the ghosts of recently smoked cigs and orange-scented toilet water.
But it’s the funk where you find Spain—gorgeous, stinking, flickering—as surely as in the taste of anchovies doused in vinegar. It lingers on your fingertips.   —John Birdsall

Sydney notebook: Magic at billy kwong

Posted in travel by birdmaneating on January 2, 2009
Tags: , ,

On fire

Kylie Kwong: On fire

The Desert Music, I think—that’s the place William Carlos Williams noted it’s the strange hours tourists happen onto stuff that makes even ordinary scenes seem, well, magical. And Alain de Botton says even a crummy sign in a foreign airport can seem steeped in the all the romance of travel, all the strangeness of new places—turned electric with anticipation you, the traveler, have juiced it up with. Like some foreign-current converter you pull from the bulging fanny pack of  your imagination.

It was a night that’d been drenched fitfully in rain. In a cab we hurtled through the dark, bent, eventually, for a late-ish meal at billy kwong, the mod-Cantonese place (originally co-owned with Bill Granger) by Sydney chef and author Kylie Kwong. Magical? It was, in a way so many restaurant experiences simply aren’t these days: a chain of advance bookings, the 5:30 seating you didn’t want, and anticipatory anxiety, leading ultimately to food that seems to wither on the plate under inspection, like a picked basil leaf under the 100-watt lightbulb of expectation.

Was it the drinks Perry and I had before we hit Kwong’s place? The murky glamour of some sleek, boozy Surry Hills hotel bar, where Aussie twentysomethings were sloppy celebrating the convergence of summer and Christmas. Wiry, handsome-ish guys in fauxhwaks or Rod Stewart rooster cuts; girl hotties in holiday-party sheath minis, some drunk as hell, tottering on the stairs down to the loo, in a dizzy spiral leading inevitably to vomit and remorse.

We walked the few blocks to billy kwong, me with an umbrella—a brittle claw of a thing stretched with nylon as flimsy as a popped balloon—cadged from the apartment we were renting. We’d read the warnings in any number of guidebooks: No reservations at Billy Kwong, only painful waits for the privilege of crowding with yahoos in a restaurant more than half a decade past hip, where the crispy duck with blood plum sauce could be either delicious or, well, not.
But just past a rainy 9:30, we were able to sit right down, after ditching my evil umbrella (one of its spines had already nicked a finger). No waiting, no pain: a small, dim room with black walls and an open door to the cooking line. Kwong herself was cooking—well, barking, standing at the central kitchen work table, calling out orders I think, clipping tickets to the clothesline-like wire that served as rail, clapping her hands, like Yul Brynner in The King and I, to summon a pickup.
What kind of crazy-ass universe do we inhabit, where a restaurant owner working in her own establishment can feel like grace? We ordered crispy duck with organic oranges. The bird’s joints looked nearly black, the skin furrowed and wizened like prunes—simultaneously delicate and husky, chewy, and dark-tasting, over flesh that managed to be both moist and well cooked. Its long platter was awash in thin sauce whose flavors balanced on a cleaver’s edge of salty, sweet, and tart. Sichuan peppery. Lapping against peeled orange rounds and long, papery twigs of cinnamon—a wonderful dish.
A stir-fry of bok choy, asparagus, and snow peas with oyster sauce was alright. Still, even with the duck, I felt we were missing the essential Kwong-ness of the place. I asked to re-examine the menu; the floor manager seemed to be anticipating a complaint.
Aussie-chirpy, blond, composed, slightly defensive:   “Can I help you choose something, sir?”
I think she got that I wanted to run my finger through the sap of the place; she pointed to the eggs. Fried eggs with scallion and chili. They came in a luscious puddle of oil: whites frizzled around the edges, like a nylon pot scrubby left too close to a burner. Bright, sloggy yolks. A jagged nest of julienne scallions and red chilies. The whites had absorbed the oil—it filled my mouth, left me with a luxurious sensation, gilded, unctuous, and slightly, wonderfully gross. Perry wasn’t sure about it—he didn’t like the feeling. But me? I loved it, the way, as a kid, I loved fried baloney sandwiches for Saturday lunch. Fiercely home style. Which, in this context, seemed really ballsy, as if Kwong were confident enough to float a dish at once intensely personal and exquisitely fusty. The kind of thing chefs list as guilty pleasures in silly Q&A-style magazine profiles.
Next came chicken livers, marinated (Shao hsing? Virgin peanut oil?) and fried, rosy and mashy. With a a cold heap of long-cooked yellow onion, sugary but still blond—no shitty French-onion-soup acridity from browning. A small gesture, but one that showed patience. Restraint. Virtuous and lovely. 
By now the kitchen was closing. Kwong took an empty table next to ours, sipped a glass of beer. Heaps of papers, a notebook, the blond floor manager. In her broad, authoritative Aussie voice, she dictated stuff to the manager. Okay, I was a tad starstruck. But Per leaned over to chat. “Duck was delicious … we’re visiting from San Francisco … this was the one place he [me] really wanted to eat.”
At mention of SF, Kwong brightened. “Oh, I love Chez Panisse, And Zuni Cafe. And Boulette’s Larder, in the Ferry Building.” Seemed strange to be so far away from, I don’t know, the throngs clutching Peets cups at the Saturday morning market, but have a Sydney chef conjure it as if it were across town. I said something stupid about Panisse. “Great local treasure.” She told us to go to Sean’s in North Bondi. “Sean’s,” she said in that broad, flat accent, spelling it out because, I assume, we seemed kind of dumbly fawning. “S. E. A. N. I love Italian cooking,” she said. “The inspiration for those chicken livers.”
The meal was over in what seemed like half an hour, but it had satisfied the way I’d forgotten restaurant meals could. Spontaneous. A few quick flashes of brilliance. An experience that took you closer to the satisfactions of home foods—a small frame around something quiet and personal, not some self-important gesture of an anonymous kitchen crew toiling in the satanic mills of the celeb-chef genre. Magical. 
We never made it to Sean’s. We didn’t have to—my imagination, anyway, was more spent than my shriveled umbrella.   —John Birdsall
« Previous Page